"Love"

Your love is my pocket
Saved for another day
Time will keep it safe
Never to go away


Foolish girl of twenty
Love was easy
Slipping through my fingers
All I ever knew


Now at middle age
It's in different wrap
You may not find it now
Nor feel its' gentle tap


Love not alone
Solemn and denied
Love all with gusto
French fries and pie


Loosen your belt
Tighten your tie
we are all shoppers
Look love in the eye

"The Race"

The future wonders
Our everyday race
Hardly stopping
To take a breath

Words on cellphones
Mostly filling
Numbing our thoughts
To weariness

Blindly searching
Strapped in our cars
For more to do, to say, to have
Absorbing are being

Knowing the race has answers
Filling us with emptiness
An overdose of life
We do not know how to see

Afraid to stop
To see ourselves
When the race ends
At the finish line

"Ladybug"

Ladybug, ladybug
How do you fair?
Here in the cabin
With our loving care

We welcome you here
To eat what you may
You bring us good cheer
We think it's ok

At night you are quiet
By day you are clean
We are not on your diet
You couldn't be mean

Stay with us forever
And leave not a trace
We think you are clever
Please keep up your pace

You deliver your pleasure
And seek no reward
You are a treasure
An A you have scored

'Formlessness"

Sliding through your mind like liquid silver,
Falling towards the unreachable sureness of shape.
Longing to belong
To that which the eye can hold
And the hand can feel.
Never finding sound
Nor finding the end of falling.
Smelling the death of a wish,
Beyond your reach.
Hovering in space, searching eternity
For the answers in the shadows
Surrounding you in your thoughts, hearing the screams
That steal you from what you know will last.
Pleasing only those who find the formlessness
And have learned to hold it in their hearts,
Until time ends the search.
You know you will reach the touch of all,
Love, loneliness, faith, hope, peace, mercy,
Joy, fun, forgiveness, praise and time
Never finding their form
As they pass from you to existence
Riding the moons beams,
The suns rays,
And the wind.
For them the alpha and omega.
They can only be.
Attached to nothing.
Like you and me.

"John" By Cara Milnor 1/23//2008

John Newnam Milnor was born October 8th, 1936
To John Clifford Milnor and Catherine Ann Newnam.
John,s first few days
In the fort Wayne, Indiana hospital
Were touch and go.
His stomach valve would not open,
So no food could enter.
A whisky soaked cracker,
Anesthetized him for surgery,
That might save his life.
They were not sure he would survive.
Thinking this, they stitched him up quickly.
The large scar he carried all his life
Showed how wrong they were.
John was a surviver his entire life.
He had a younger sister Martha.
He had a grandmother Nonny. (Clara Reed Newnam)
She lived in Kendallville,Indiana where her now diseased husband
Had started Newnam Foundry.
He had grandparents George and Emma Milnor,
Who lived on a farm in Rome City, Indiana.
John grew up in Fort Wayne.
He lived on a street named Sherwood Terrace.
He had a boxer dog named Robin.
His family went to a Methodist Church.
He attended South Side High School.
He rode his bicycle to school
With a rifle over his shoulder.
He was on a shooting team at school.
He went to Indiana University and pledged Sigma Chi Fraternity.
Higher Education would prove difficult for John.
Bowling Green State University released him early.
The military said no because of two trick knees.
Cara Lynn Hall said yes.
We were married Augest 23rd, 1958.
Three hundred family and friends,
Wished us happiness in the Methodist Church,
In the small town of Wauseon, Ohio.
We were now Mr. and Mrs. John Newnam Milnor.
We went to Florida on their honeymoon.
We moved Bloomington, Indiana and attended Indiana University.
We lived above the Full-O-Pep Store next to a belled, railroad crossing.
John sold encylopedias door to door.
We delivered newspapers deep into the hills of beautiful Brown County Indiana,
Driving through creek beds to folks whose any outside connection was the paper.
John got a job with Remington Rand located in Indianapolis.
We moved there for a few years.
Next was a move to Des Moines, Iowa,
As office Manager for Remington Rand.
The next move took us back to Kendallville, Indiana.
John became the manager of their family business Newnam Foundry.
The foundry was in bad shape.
In the next few years, against all odds,
John turned it around.
John was very successful.
He was liked and respected in the community
His three children, Nicholis Newnam, Sarah Lynn and Daniel Reed were born,
During those years.
We bought a beautiful house on RR3 near Kendallville.
It was in a 2 acre woods with a stable.
The kids road a bus to Rome City,
Where they attended school.
John bought a ranch at Tie Siding, Wyoming.
We spent as much time there as possible.
The kids and I more than John.
Times change.
John sold the foundry to Chromoloy American, located in San Antonio, Texas.
They wanted this young, good looking succsessful guy to run their foundries.
They were scattered over the Eastern half of the U.S.
John said, "Yes."
We packed it up and moved to 16459 lost Cabin in San Antonio, Texas.
We all say the best move to the best place.
Our neighbors Larry, Charlotte, Kelly and Kristi Franklin became good friends.
So now we were winters in Texas and summers in Wyoming at the ranch.
John went into the cattle business with Juan and Joni Reyes.
They became our good friends.
After awhile John said," The only way to make a small fortune in the cattle business is to start with a big one."
This was a wonderful time in our lives.
John loved to hunt and fish and we did a lot of it for many years.
Times change.
The kids grew up and John retired.
We didn't need the big Lost Cabin house.
We sold it and bought a house on Beaver Island, on Lake L.B.J. at Granite Shoals, Texas.
That didn't work out.
We sold it and bought another house on Lake L.B.J.
Is was an old hunting camp house on Mallard Point.
John had a bassboat and did some fishing.
John put together a group to teach the Conceal Carry Gun classes.
He rented space in Marble Falls, Texas and taught the class for several years.
He openned a shooting range every Saturday morning for all thos who had been through his class. He loved all of this and was good at it.
We sold the Tie Siding Ranch and bought one in Wheatland, Wyoming.
Finally we sold that ranch to Juan and Joni.
Times change.
Our grandson Kody was born in San Antonio.
He was in day care.
John and I decided to sell the lake house,
Move back to San Antonio and take care of him.
We bought a house in Timberwood Park on a hill 7 miles North of 1604 off Blanco Rd.
One day I heard kody say, "Grandpa I love you so much."
That made it all worth while.
John and I decided we were glad to have had those years with Kody.
John and I decided to take a vacation in Florida.
Dan (youngest son) his wife Amy were going to be there visiting her father.
They invited us over to his condo to watch a football game.
John fell out of his chair and suffered a stroke on january 23rd, 2005.
Dan and Amy and I were near telling him to hang on, we love you it will be alright.
John had survived from many emergency room visits.
E.M.S. could not pull him back.
Dan flew home with me in John's empty seat.
Amy was seheduled on another flight.
John's funeral was in the last home we would ever have together,
Surrounded by friends from near and far.
We celebrated his life and mourned his death.
We were married 46 years.
John was 69.
Times change.

"To All" By Cara Milnor

When I see rocks, I build cairns,
My connection to the planet.
When I see a dove, I lead and shoot.
Doves for dinner.
When I have a vision, I see God at work.
When I see Kody, I feel joy. (grandson)
When I observe the woods, I feel contentment.
When I spend time with friends, I feel fortunate.
We should visit with friends.
When I work in my angel patch garden, I feel a heavenly connection.
When I see birds fly, I feel envy.
When I return, I will fly.
We should talk and listen like rabbits.
We should eat many small meals, never fast food.
We should spend time at the table and visit.
We should put flowers on graves.
We should celebrate life and death.
We should not have children we don't want.
We should not drop our pets off on a back road.
We should see as much as we can first hand.
We should not become agressive when we start the car.
Patience is a virtue. (Benjamin Franklin)
We should love our neighbor.
We should eat organic and use organic products.
We should drive cars that use less gas.
We should not polute the air, land or water.
We should trust our mothers, but, cut the cards.
We should work for a living.
We should conserve our natural resources.
We should leave if we don't like this country.
Illegal aliens should leave as well.
If we live here we should owe our allegiance to this country.
We should know where are children are.
We should not abuse any kind of drugs.
We should stop complaining.
We should be safe on the street at night.
We should speak the language and pay taxes.
Only citizens vote.

"I am"

I am a free spirit
I am your baby, your child, your daughter
I am your sister
I am your grandaughter
I am your cousin
I am your niece
I am your wife
I am your mother
I am your grandmother
I am your friend
I am your neighbor
I am a life
I am a death
I am?
I am a free spirit

August 23rd 1958-January 23rd 2005 Have I lost you?

The tears just come. They well up inside of me and roll out of my eyes and down my cheeks. They continue their journey falling where they may reminding me of a past so rich and full. Where has it gone? Where did I put it? Is in on a shelf in the closet? Maybe it's in a drawer in the antique chest. I think it is all tucked away in small recesses of my heart. The past where you found my heart and laid claim to it. We took a journey together for 46 years and suddenly, in the blink of an eye you were gone. My youngest son Daniel and his wife Amy were visiting her father Harvy Kawadler's condo if Florida. John and I were in Florida on vacation. We had gone to meet them at the condo and watch a football game. All was well until John fell forward out of his chair. They got him back in the chair and I ask him if he was ok. He had a small scratch on his forhead where he had hit the floor. Then his left arm began to twitch and his eyes rolled back in his head. Dan and Amy and I watched your face, two inches from it, as your life slipped away to the stroke that was stopping your 65 year old heart. Dan yelled for someone to call911. We told you you would be alright, just hang on we said, we love you, just hang on, just hang on, as Daniel yelled again for someone to call 911. As E. M. S. hit you with electic charges trying to call you back to us, we knew it was too late. They took you away to the hospital. Daniel and Amy and I followed. We waited wondering if by some miracle you rallied. The doctor came into the small, dreary hospital room where we were waitng and told us you were dead. I said I wanted to see you. They warned us about going in to see. They thought it might be too much of a shock to see you in this condition. We did anyway. When we touched you for the last time, you were hard and cold. The stroke had stopped your heart, but, your soul was on it's way. There were tubes coming out of your mouth silencing you forever. We knew you were no longer here with your lifeless body. When we walked out of that room it was the last time our eyes would ever see you. We knew what you had in life would go with us. It was so hard to leave you in the cold, impersonal hospital room. The metal table where you laid looked so hard and cold. We had to prove yours was a natural death. We had to prove there was no foul play. We went to a Florida funeral home and planned for you to be cremated and sent home. I didn't want to leave you. The airlines gave the empty seat beside me to my son. Thank goodness Daniel was with me. Amy had to go on a different flight. It was so hard to board the flight home without you. This was your death. Now let's tell about your life
We met at a lake in Indiana, near a small town called Fremont, where our parents had cottages. You and your family came from Fort Wayne, Indiana. My family came from Wauseon, Ohio. We water skied behind George Milliers inboard, The Blue Goose. We played ping pong and ate chocolate chip cookies at Dick Carrs cottage. We listened to Bill Haley and his Comets at your cottage on your size 45 record player and again played ping pong. We danced at Bledsos Beach. Sometimes old friends Harry Neilins and Tosh Acubo would visit the lake. What followed their arrival was a party. We all got together with a ukuele, beer and a fire down by the lake in front of Carr's cottage We sang songs, told stories and laughed a lot. These were the days my friends, I hoped they would never end. During the Winter we went home and college.
During these years John and I began to develope a relationship. I received the help of his younger sister Martha. We rid him of his old girlfriends like Donna Jean Fackler. It wasn't long before we decided to get married. This came about on August 23, 1958 We were married in the Wauseon, Ohio Methodist Church. There were 300 people to wish us happiness and send us on our way. We went to Florida for our honeymoon and then to Indiana University. We lived in Bloomington, Indiana above the Full-O-Pep store next to a railraod crossing that signaled the approach of a train with a bell. We got to know all the engineers. John sold dictionaries door to door and we did a paper route down in the beautiful hills of Brown County. Many of our deliveries went to people who had no other connection to the outside world. As we drove our little black Simca car, which my dad got for us, through the river beds we found many of them waiting for us at their mailboxes. We moved from Bloomingto to Indianapolis, Indiana and the to Des Moine, Iowa. John worked for Remington Rand Corporation, as an office manager for a few years and then we went back to Indiana where John took over the family Business, Newnam Foundry in Kendallville, Indiana.
John was not a foundryman, so he eventually surrounded himself with the best foundry people he could beg, borrow or steal. He was very successful and helped many others become successful. He worked very hard. We had three children, first Nick, when we lived on West Avenue and Sarah and Daniel after we moved to the woods in the country. The house had a stable where Dick Pontius kept his horses. He lived in Kendallville which was just miles away. The kids rode horses and played with goats and chickens in their yard. These were good years that led to another move to San Antonio, Texas. Chromaloy American found John and wantd him to run their foundries in the Eastern half of the country. He said ok and we were on our way Texas. We moved next door to the Larry and Charlotte Franklin family who were destined to become good friends. The name of the street was Lost cabin. Their children Kristie and Kelly grew up with our kids. John and Larry were gone alot so Charlotte and I and the kids did alot together. One night a week we would go to Gatties pizza for dinner. The kids all went to Churchill Highschool. John and I decided to buy a ranch and we took our kids and went there in the Summer. It was at Tie Siding , Wyoming. While there, Juan and Joni Reyes went into the cattle business with us. We had good times there and it was a good place for the kids. Lots of their friends and ours visited us at the ranch. John never got there alot, but, the kids and I were there for the three months of the Summer. Later we bought another ranch at Wheatland, Wyoming. The kids grew up and got busy and we didn't go to the Tie Siding much, so we sold it. Then eventually, we sold the Wheatland Ranch to Juan and Joni who had moved there when we bought it. We bought a house on Beaver Island on Lake L.B.J. and it didn't work out so we sold it. We sold the Lost Cabin house and moved to our second house on Lake L.B.J at Mallard point in Granite Shoals. Then when our grandson Kody was born we sold the lake house and moved backed to San Antonio to take care of him. We lived in Timberwood Park at 703 Lone Circle. It was a beautiful house on the top of a hill. This was the house where we had your funeral celebration. We had discussed what we wanted to do when we died and had our 45th wedding anniversary party just in case one of us did die. Well, you left us on January 23rd in Florida. It is best to die quickly and you did.

" And The Beat Goes On"

One day when you are old and gray,
The clouds will come and sweep you away.
His arms will hold you gently on this day,
As He takes you to a time ok.

In this soft, white, loving light,
You will see the way, as the heart,
You have held so long in sight,
From your mind and body will depart.

It will beat it's last
Only to begin anew
And leave the past.
Without much ado.

Your soul will grab that last heart beat,
Surrounding it in celebration.
As your new beat starts the nexr treat,
In a state of great elation.

The beat goes on,
You are on your way.
The old is gone
Entering a new day.

"Wintertime With Gypsy"

Winter has made some changes at the cabin. We have wrapped the water lines and turned on our infrared lights in the pumphouse and bunkhouse. I am using the bunkhouse as a greenhouse for now. I brought the aloe vera plant that was blooming there into the cabin and put it on the window sill next to the desk where I write. I have been watching the ladybugs crawling over the bloom eating the aphids. The ladybugs are welcome guests inside the cabin. Our time spent on the porch has diminshed with the colder weather, however, on those warmer mornings we are still there observing the morning. This is typical Texas weather, 22 degrees on Monday and 75 drgrees on Tuesday. We have had one hard freeze, but, much of Winter has felt more like Spring.
With this cooler weather, the influx of critters into the cabin has pretty much come to a stand still. Oops, that is until a week ago. There is a mystery as to what actually happened. I am speculating as to the series of events that forced a squirrel to take cover in the only space in our walls big enough to hold it. That Gypsy was involved in the squirrels desperate attempt to escape is pure speculation. The scuffle I heard on the porch within seconds of her exiting the cabin door, leads me to believe she is somehow mixed up in this. Mind you, Gypsy is a near perfect, unspoiled pet. She is a loved, trusted and dedicated companion. I would not change one thing about her. Well, maybe one thing. She is death on cats and squirrels. The episode I mentioned above is due to her desperate attempt to get her teeth firmly around a squirrel, followed by vicious tearing, chewing and of course, lots of blood and guts. My best guess is she surprised a sguirrel on the porch. In it's haste to avoid instant death, it became confused and hit it's head on the swing. In a confused frenzy, the squirrel looked for any place it could find to escape. It ran up the logs near the porch, by the swing, and into the first hole it found. This led to the only space in the wall where a critter could fit. The noise began as soon as it started to investigate it's new found sanctuary. At one point, I thought it had found it's way into the cabin proper. Throughout the day it made it's presence known. When it panted and whined I was concerned for the state of it's health. Suddenly, the noise stopped. We may have heard it a few more times, in the next couple of days. Gypsy with her nose in the air and her ears up insisted it was still in our wall. I did not hear or smell it. The Organic Pest Control guy, Carlos, came and sprayed a large dose of capsicum,(red pepper) into the crevice in the logs where I actually saw a flash of flesh entering. I am not sure what it was. He said not to plug the hole until we were sure it was gone. A few days have gone by, and I am still not sure what to make of this. Could Gypsy have injured this animal enough so it passed away hiding in our cabin wall? Sometimes things are just better left alone. We think this is one of them. Gypsy still seems mildly interested. She says it was a big squirrel with big teeth and bulging eyes. She said it was asking for it and she did nothing but accommodate it. She is probably pondering what could have been if she had captured that squirrel. She probably thinks she came alot closer than she actually did. We think if she had succeeded, we would have had a trip to the vet to get some damage repaired. Does this mean she has given up on squirrels? No, don't think so. There is one eating seed at the bird feeder hanging on the squirrel tree as I write. Gypsy is on the porch on a solid point. Her eyes are glazed and saliva is dripping from her mouth What do you think? Excitement reigns! Gypsy rules! Call The Dog Whisperer, before it is too late for us! Girls just want to have fun!

"Sweetness"

he gave us death
so we could learn to face life
we gathered triumphs and failures
between the ragged edges of time
shooting stars and comets
looking for a place to land
find our destiny
now that age has given them a path
we juggle for the sweetness of our youth
it survives only in our memories
dimmed by the years
mostly forgotten
we search today
and see a sweetness
is still there
twisted around and through
the gray hair and wrinkles
most of the best of life
we cannot hang onto
he gave us death
so we would have a place
to take the sweetness
we cannot bear to leave behind